Living the End
by WhippedByAnAngel
Summary: Although not proven, some claim that before a person dies, he could see his life flash before his eyes. However, Castiel, a terminally ill man who has five months to live didn't want that. Destiel. Slash. AU. Oneshot.


**Disclaimer: **If I had all the money in the world, the first thing I would is purchase Supernatural. And Misha Collins.

* * *

_**Living the End**_

He knew Sam didn't like when the house was messy, but Dean left it at that anyway. It was too damn hot to start any work and he felt _peachy_, or at least that was his excuse for not even trying to clean up. He lazed about the couch, his arm propped in the arm chair, the hand cradling his head and the other clutching a can of beer. He sighed. Nothing good was on TV. Nothing _was_ good these days. Even Dr. Sexy MD bores him now.

A knock on the door disrupted his ramblings over the monotony of his life.

The first thought that came to his mind as he stood up from the couch was that Sam was early. It was only 2 in the afternoon and his younger brother mention arriving at around 5. As he turned the knob, he realized that it was loose, but not faulty. He eyes strayed longer on the knob as he examined what could be wrong with it, and at the same time, he pulled the door open. Looking up to see Sam's face, Dean was puzzled to gaze at messy raven hair.

"Hello." A deep gruff voice turned his attention lower, and met shockingly blue eyes staring at him.

Dean studied the man for a moment. He was wearing a trench coat, under the heat of the sun, and beneath the coat, Dean could make out a polo with a tie. He was attractive, but weird. Something behind the back of his head screamed that the man was familiar.

"Um, can I help you?"

"Yes." The man simply said. Dean furrowed his eyebrows, waiting for the stranger to explain.

He gave a confused hm. "With what exactly?"

Dean swore he's seen and heard all kinds of crazy but nothing prepared him for the statement the stranger made.

"My name is Castiel, we brushed elbows three years ago." Dean laughed and then stopped abruptly when the man simply stared at him, a frown evident on his face. "Wait, you're serious?"

Dean didn't need a nod to know the answer. He scratched the back of his head and smiled sheepishly at the stranger named Castiel. He's still having a hard time remembering where he's seen him. TV perhaps?

"Sorry, it's just… you don't hear that every day."

"I suppose so…" The man was frowning again, as if trying to figure out the sense in what Dean had said.

Dean raised his eyebrow at this. "So uh, what did you want? I mean, you're not just here to tell me that, right?"

"Yes, actually." He replied with a small smile. "And one more thing…" He brushed their elbows awkwardly, and Dean could only gape. With that, the smaller man left, leaving a dumbstruck Dean who stood on his front step pondering whether everything was just a prank or that the guy acted on it out of a dare. What a petty dare it was then, if it really was a dare. He shook his head. It's not like he's ever going to know why, right?

The next day, he find out why.

Dean stopped by a burger joint to buy himself and Sam dinner before the day ends. His younger brother was still busy unpacking his things because yesterday his luggage was neglected for a trip to the bar to start his summer break right. So as Dean got off the Impala, he immediately noticed the man from yesterday inside the joint. _Castiel. _He was alone, sitting on a booth, frowning and deeply focused at the menu.

Before Dean could even stop himself, he started walking to the peculiar young man.

"Did something to you?"

Castiel snapped from his gaze and stared at a smirking Dean. "I'm sorry, what?"

"The menu, dude. It's like it's done something terrible to you." Castiel shook his head in annoyance. He picked up the menu again and once more stared, another frown forming on his pale face. Dean let out a chuckle and let himself seat opposite the man.

"I am trying to remember…what I ate here three years ago." Castiel explained, realizing that Dean was still looking at him. He sighed and put the menu down and gently pushed it to Dean's direction. "Perhaps you can help me?"

Dean was bewildered with the request, but nonetheless took the menu and gave it a glance. He practically knew everything what was written in there anyway. This was his _favorite_ burger joint.

"So what are you looking for? Damn, didn't know they were having sale today…" He said the last part more to himself, wishing he'd brought more money with him.

Dean looked over to Castiel when he didn't reply. His eyes were dreamy, like he was high or remembering a very fond memory. "Definitely had cheese…" Castiel started, placing a finger under his chin, "and there was a basket of fries to go with it. Tomatoes. Lettuce. I think there was also cucumber, but I had it removed. I hate cucumber." He concluded, and gave a nod to indicate that he remembered right.

Dean laughed at the man's antics. It was rather cute.

"Huh, same taste, I guess. Jo!" Dean called out. A young blonde girl came to them, a pad on her hand and a ball pen on the other. She smiled warmly at Dean and then noticed Castiel.

"Oh…so you're that man." She gave a small smile and Dean stared at Castiel with confusion. Castiel simply nodded at Jo. "So what can I get you, Dean?"

"Uh, two special C's and—," "take off the cucumbers" Jo laughed when Dean glared at her. "Yes, well, and one for take-out. _With cucumbers._"

"Oh! Sam's back then, isn't he?"

"Yeah, just yesterday."

"Cool. Be back with your orders. Say hi to him for me!" Jo left them and Dean used the opportunity to ask about yesterday. Before he could do so, however, Castiel beat him to it.

"Yesterday wasn't a prank." He said quietly, playing with the salt shaker.

Dean snorted. "What was it, then?"

"I read in a book that before you die your life flashes before you." Dean didn't know where he must have read that from and where this was going. A writer, maybe? He just motioned Castiel to continue. "I'm terminally ill. I don't want that to happen just because I'm about to die. I want to relive my memories, and not just remember them the time before I die." It was said as if it was a normal occurrence, a topic fit for a small talk.

Dean was silent for awhile. "So you weren't kidding when you said, three years ago…" He faltered.

"I was serious." Dean frowned. He didn't know what to feel. Before him was a man about to die, and he remembered them brushing elbows, from three years ago. Well, at least now he knew why the guy was familiar.

Then a question popped into his head. "How _did_ you find me, anyway?"

"I asked your friend, the waitress." Dean nodded. That was plausible, Dean thought.

And suddenly he remembered the incident. He was on his way home, another day living alone, of take-outs for every meal.

"It was also here then, when we brushed elbows? So that's why you knew where to ask?" Castiel merely nodded.

Jo came back with their orders, placing two trays in front of the men. She placed the take-out beside Dean's tray and whispered to him that Ellen said it was on the house since Sam's back. Dean muttered a thanks. Dean looked at Castiel over his burger to check if he ordered right. A pleased smile was plastered on the man's face. Dean's breath was taken away at the sight.

"I'm Dean." He offered, realizing that he hadn't mentioned his name once.

Castiel smiled. "I noticed." Silence again.

"So do you remember all of your memories? Coz' I don't think it's that easy." Dean couldn't help but ask. The idea was absurd. If he had six months to leave, he wouldn't go chasing his older memories…he would be trying to create new ones, those which were worth remembering, worth holding on to.

"I _don't_," He emphasized, "remember everything. I just try to relive what I remember. And I remember this place, Lawrence. I stayed here for a month."

"Where are you from then?"

"Maine."

"I see. Since…since when did you?" Dean left the question hanging. He couldn't say it. The topic seemed sensitive and yet his curiosity was burning.

"When did I found out?" Castiel helped. "Two months ago. I have three more to live."

"Family?"

"I come from an orphanage."

Dean choked. "Huh…" "You know, I could help you around, like I did with this menu," He smiled cockily, trying to lighten the mood since everything about the guy was depressing, "I lived here since forever, I pretty much know everything about it."

"You don't have to pity me, Dean." Castiel huffed.

"No! I'm not—that's not what I meant by that!" He blustered. It was entirely true. Somehow, Dean just felt inclined to help him, not because Castiel was dying, but because he just wanted to.

Castiel seemed to contemplate about it for a minute and then nodded. "Okay." Dean smiled. "But…you have to promise me something."

"Promise me you won't get attached." Castiel said it, with his eyes full of sincerity, and his voice of certainty, like a command but Dean just laughed it off.

"I promise."

* * *

So they met almost every day, Dean sticking true to his intention to help him. Sam, most of the time, was out anyways so it wasn't a problem. At least he had to do something now. They visited anything Castiel could remember. From the Wescoe beach to the small ice cream stand in the park. Dean couldn't remember having this much fun, since for years he had been living alone, and only his occasional one night stands kept him in touch with the outside world. It had been hard for them and Sam when their father died, even with the inheritance. Castiel just seemed like a burst of life for him, even if it was ironic because the man was dying and he found him depressing the first time around.

Then one day it happened. He broke his promise. They were seating on a bench, enjoying their ice cream cones, as childish it may look like, and Dean happened to glance at Castiel. His eyes widened. The man was licking his ice cream like he was in a fucking porno film: A small pink tongue darting out of his mouth to lick the creamy top and then lick off the sides of his mouth checking for remaining cream. Dean gulped and looked away, his face suddenly hot and the heat had nothing to do with it.

"Are you okay, Dean?" He turned back to Castiel to see him looking at him with a worried face. His eyes zeroed on Castiel lips, wet and shiny.

"….uh," He faked a cough, "yes, of course, why?"

"You're face seem…" Castiel's face scrunched up, his eyes narrowing, "red."

Dean blushed a bit more and gave a nervous chuckle. "Must be the heat."

Castiel gave an understanding hm and smiled. "That's why we're eating ice cream." Dean seemed mesmerized by the smile, his heart beating fast. He didn't know when he started to have feelings for the smaller man but it didn't bother him. Without much thought, he leaned down and pressed his lips against his.

Castiel made a surprised sound but didn't push him away... but when Dean didn't feel Castiel responding, he pulled back, his heart falling to his stomach.

"I'm sorry." He said at once, searching the stunned face of Castiel which slowly turned into a grimace. Dean winced, his heart falling even further down. "I'm really, really sorry. I might have misread the—"

"You can't do this to me, Dean." Castiel's gruff voice interjected. It sounded almost sad. Dean seemed taken aback by the statement.

"I'm dying, Dean. I don't want to hurt you." His heart broke. Of course, Castiel was dying. How could that slip from his mind? Probably because every time he was with the guy, he fucking felt _alive_, and he knew Castiel felt that too. Like being with Castiel is what living meant.

Dean inhaled sharply. "What if I don't care, _Cas?_" Castiel whimpered. It was the first Dean had called him that, and it sounded so good.

"I care, Dean." Castiel said in defeat.

Dean once more found himself leaning down and kissing Castiel, but this time, the other man was responding back.

* * *

Dean came out of the closet when he was fifteen, and that was 13 years ago. When he told Sam about his relationship with Castiel, he wasn't surprised to know Sam disapproved.

"He's dying, Dean, you can't that to him and to yourself." Sam chastised, his face in a full frown.

"I know, Sammy. But what can I do?"

Sam had no answer to that.

* * *

It was on the start of the third month when Castiel showed symptoms of his nearing death. They were supposed to meet at the park, but he hadn't shown up and Dean grew extremely worried. He knew where Castiel lived, they've been to his apartment once in a while, and immediately went there.

As he opened the door, for he had a spare key, Dean froze.

Cas was lying face down on the floor.

He snapped from his daze when he heard his haggard breathing. Castiel's palm was pressed against the floor, trying to support his body to stand up.

"Dean?" He croaked. The said man was immediately on his side. "What the hell happened, Cas?"

Dean hoisted him up carefully and winced at Castiel's painful expression. "I don't know. I'm sorry I didn't make it. I was on my way out when I just fell and I couldn't… I couldn't…" He inhaled sharply.

"It's okay now, we're not going anywhere, you're gonna stay on your bed and rest, okay?" Dean tried to soothe him as he led the man to the bed and gently laid him down.

Castiel whimpered. "But your friend, Bobby…" Dean shook his head and placed a kiss tenderly on Castiel's forehead. He was supposed to introduce Castiel to everyone today, as there was a reunion happening at Bobby's. But that could wait, because right now, Castiel needed him and hey may not need him much longer.

Castiel woke up feeling better. He found Dean sitting on a chair beside him with a relieved smile. He smiled back weakly.

"Hey."

"Hello." Even with sickness, his deep, gruff voice didn't change.

"How are you?" Dean placed his hands on top of his. Castiel looked at their hands.

"Better." He reassured. He heard a choked sob and looked up at his _boyfriend_ again. He melted at the sight. Green orbs full of concern and sadness. _I did this to him._ Castiel thought pathetically.

"Don't do that again, Cas…" Dean said softly, his voice starting to break. "I thought… I thought I lost you."

"C'mere." Castiel croaked. He moved on the farther side of the bed to give space to Dean who slipped in the bed with him. He stared at Dean lovingly and smiled, pulling the taller man for a kiss.

What was supposed to be an innocent kiss turned to a full-blown make out. Dean could feel heat spread through him and knew he had to stop. Castiel wasn't helping though with his hips thrusting into his.

"Cas…" He moaned into the kiss. He was hard already and so was Cas. Cas thrusts harder in response, his hand pulling Dean's short locks of hair.

"Dean…please." Castiel moaned, his voice needy. Dean was nipping at his neck now, leaving marks and hickeys. "Are you sure, Cas?" Dean stopped his ministrations to look directly at the man. Castiel's eyes were half-lidded, glazed with lust, his cheeks flush. Dean's hazel green eyes took a shade darker at the sight.

"Yes, Dean, please." Almost begging.

"I don't want to—"

"You're not going to hurt me, Dean." Blue clashed with green. Dead nodded. He dipped his head down to once again claim Castiel's lips in a heated kiss.

That night was the first time they made love.

* * *

After two weeks, Castiel had to be rushed to the hospital and stay there. Only the machines were helping him from the pain now and Dean stayed with him, leaving Sam to take care of the house as he took care of his lover.

On October 25, 2007, Dean was peeling apples, sitting beside Castiel enjoying the silence. Probably the most domestic thing Dean had done ever since, not that he'd admit that out loud. The machines were beeping quietly, as if they too didn't want to ruin the moment.

"Hey Dean." Castiel voice sound weaker, the gruffness diminishing already.

"Remember the park? When you first kissed me?" He continued, his laugh coming out as a small wheeze and he grimaced momentarily.

"Yeah?" Dean turned to him, stopping his work.

"It was my fault. I was trying to find out if you'd be interested. Supposed to be harmless." Dean snorted and smiled fondly as he remembered the memory too. He never wanted to eat ice cream again after that.

"I thought so! You slut."

"And then when you got chased by a small dog..."

He remembered that memory too. He was never friendly with dogs. Big or not they still had rabies, right?

"And when we had sex for the first time…" Dean blushed at this and flustered, pretending to glare at Castiel hotly.

"They are all _very fond memories_, Cas but why are you remembering them, "His heart skipped a beat. He felt his blood being drained from him, "…all of a sudden?"

_"I read in a book that before you die your life flashes before you."_

"Cas?..." He called out to the man, whose eyes were still open, gaze unfocused, staring at the blank wall opposite him. "Cas!" He called louder.

"And when you kissed my forehead… I like that, Dean. Very much. Can you do that again?" Dean could feel the first sob coming out from his mouth as he nodded. Continued by another, and another, another, until he was crying. He felt like he was going to die himself.

"I love you, Cas. You know that right?" He said, shutting his eyes close, tears continued to fall, his hands balled into a fist.

"Hmmm." It was the only thing Castiel managed to say back. _I love you too._

Dean placed a wet kiss on Castiel's forehead and that's when he heard it. The abrupt stop of Castiel's breathing.

And then there was complete silence.

At Castiel's funeral, it started raining. Dean didn't even bother to go back under the canopy as the rain started to pour down. He merely stared down at the tombstone, blinding white compared to the others around it. He hadn't regretted anything. Falling in love with Castiel—it was the best thing that's ever happened to him. All he could think of was that Castiel didn't even give him a chance to relive their memories when it was his turn to die.

_Fin._

* * *

I know. You can kill me now. But I had to stick with Castiel dying. It's not like a miracle could save him, I think that would just ruin the story. Anyway, thank you for reading this, my first Destiel...and yet so, so, sad. *sniffs*


End file.
